Dearest Peep,

Thank you so very much for the past 14+ years.  Thank you for gracing my life with your presence.  Thank you for your infinite patience with every child, rescue dog and all of the other helpless creatures that crossed your path.  I learned so much from you through the years and I truly hope that I gave as much as you gave to me.  Your passing marks the end of an era and you will be gravely missed.  Say hello to Beau and Smith and Wesson and all of the other friends we've shared over the years and please tell them that they are always in my heart. You will be so very much missed and forever loved.

Sending you off with all of my love, Mom

Team!  Could you all come in here for a minute!

Dobby: Team? What are we, sled dogs?  

Me: Dobbs, sled dogs are working dogs, no one would ever accuse you of being a working dog.

Dobby: Work is for the peasants, glad we're on the same page.

Me: Kevin!  We're waiting for you, get in here please.

Kevin: *running in confused circles in the living room* Where is everybody?!?

Me: Buddy, we're in the kitchen.  It's a small house. Even if you can't see us I would think you'd be able to smell us.  You're a dog, your sense of smell is supposed to be amazingly accurate.

Dobby: yeah dude, use your nose.  It's gotta work better than your brain.  Giving you the benefit of the doubt here, I'm assuming you actually have a brain in that thick skull.

Me: Dobby, why are you so unkind to him? He adores you.

Dobby: Oh yeah, and he shows it by putting my whole head in his T-Rex mouth. I could do without so much adoration.

Me:  Point taken.  Could you all just listen for a minute?

Peep: I'm listening.

Me: Thank you for trying to set a good example Sweetie.  I wish it helped.

Now that you're all here, we need to address a problem that occurs every time we go for a walk,

Kevin: WALK?! IS IT TIME FOR A WALK?  I LOVE WALKS!!

Me: Kev, settle down. I'm very proud of you for recognizing that word, I know how limited your vocabulary is. I'll let you know when it's time for a w-a-l-k but for now I need you to listen.

Kevin: psst, Dobbs, what's a "vocabulary"? Do we eat vocabulary? Do I like vocabulary?

Me: Dobb, you never fail to impress me.  I didn't know that dogs could roll their eyes.

Team! focus please! This happens everytime, I need 5 minutes of your time to address a problem and it turns into a minimum of an hour. Why? Just Why?

Dobby: *whispering to himself* There she goes again with the Team crap, poor deluded lady.

Me: I heard that and in the interest of getting this over with I'm to choosing to ignore it. Now, I want you all to take a look at these photos. In the upper left corner you will see what the leashes look like for the first 30 seconds of our walks. The other pictures are what your leashes look like for the majority of the rest of the walk. This is less than optimal for all of us.  Dobby, you know full well that you and Chuckles over there can never agree on what needs to be peed on. Knowing that, why would you continually cross back and forth and tangle up with him?  When the leashes get this twisted, you have no choice of which direction to go: Kevin weighs twice what you do and he's made out of gravity so you know you're never going to win a pulling contest. You need to take turns.

Dobby: it should always be my turn.

Me: and there it is. Let's try thinking about it this way, remember that Peep isn't as steady on her feet as she used to be, she wobbles when you bump against her and it worries me.  Peep honey, don't look so sad.  You're a the best girl but both you and I are getting older and need to keep safety in mind. Neither one of us needs a broken hip courtesy of the Bobbsy Twins and thier leashes.  

Peep: Sorry sorry sorry.

Me: Honey, this isn't about you!  I'm just trying to make our demented teammates understand that it's just not always about them, there are others who's wellbeing needs to be considered.

Dobby: your mouth is moving and words are coming out, but I don't see why any of this should matter to me.

Kevin: We're in the kitchen! Can we have cookies?  Oooo! or cheese maybe.  I love cheese.  II know where it is! It's in that big cold box that I can't open. I wish I could open the box...so much good stuff in there.

Me: I give up. I'm going to post this photo on the board in the breakroom and move on with my life.  It's 9:30 on Saturday morning. I think it's time to see what all the hype is about day drinking.......

Me:  Guys!  Could you all come into the living room please.  We need to have a meeting.

Peep: A meeting?! I didn't think we did that anymore.

Dobby: I was hoping we didn't do that anymore.

Kevin: What's a meeting?

Me: *heavy sigh* Kevin, buddy, remember how we used to gather together every week and talk about important things that were happening?

Dobby: You're joking, right?  This guy doesn't remember where his food bowl is and you expect him to remember something that happened a few months ago?

Me: You have a point, but let's be kind.

Kevin: kind of what?  Kinds of snacks?  I like all the snacks, doesn't matter what kind.

Dobby: I rest my case.

Me: I'm not going to let you guys get me off track this time.  Sit. Stay. Listen up.

Peep: I've been listening the whole time.....

Me: I know darling girl, you're not the problem, you're never the problem.  However, Heckle and Jeckle over here are a different story.

Kevin: who are Heckle and Jeckle? Are they new friends?  Are they coming to stay with us? I LOVE new friends. 

Dobby: Dude, we're going to be here all night if you don't shut up.  I'm ready to curl up on the couch and the more you interrupt, the farther away I am from doing that.

Me: thanks Dobbs, I'll handle this.  Kevin, just be quiet and listen, tonight's topic is about you. As usual.

As you all know, Peep needs to take medicine twice a day to keep her feeling good and moving well. And as you all know, she's been picky about taking that medicine. I thought we had solved the problem by making peanut butter soup and stirring her meds into that.  And it worked for quite awhile.  Didn't it Peep?  Peep?

Peep: I was just resting my eyes!  

Me: It's ok honey, go back to resting your eyes, it's really Kevin I need to listen.  Hey! Dobby! That doesn't mean that you're excused, sit back down and listen!

Dobby *muttering* hmmm, not excused? Fine! As soon as this is over I'm going to go and see which corner of the house needs me to pee in it.

Me: I heard that! Christonacracker, you guys.  We could have been done by now if you would just pay attention to what I have to say. Please try to remember that I'm in charge here. Dobby, don't you dare laugh.  As soon as you can grow opposable thumbs and get a job, we can discuss heirarchy.

Kevin: what's a heirarchy? Can I eat it?

Me: Alright, I give up.  I'm going to make this short and sweet.

Kevin: sweet?  Is it time for cookies? I love cookies!

Me: *deep breaths, deep breaths, center, center* Here's the deal:  Peep decided she didn't like peanut butter soup so as you know, we switched over to cat food soup to get her drugs into her.  So far it's working, she loves it.  Unfortunately, both of you guys love it too. Dobbs, you're ok, you always wait for her to finish before you swoop in to lick the bowl. And the floor around the bowl.  And sometimes the fronts of the cupboards.  

Dobby: yeah, she's pretty messy, but I've got your back lady.

Me: Kevin, you, on the other hand, are not nearly as polite.  You know full well that Peep is (sadly) too polite to just rip your face off like most other dogs would. And don't think I don't see you "sneaking" up on her and pushing your big  pitbull mug into her bowl every day, twice a day. I shouldn't have to tell you every time, every day, that the cat food soup is Not. For You. I've checked with the vet, the drugs won't hurt you.  But they're crazy expensive and You. Don't. Need. Them.  Are we clear?  Kevin?

Kevin: got it.  Help Peep finish her soup every day. LOOK! SQUIRREL! THERE'S A SQUIRREL ON THE FENCE! GO GO GO!!!!

Dobby: I think we're done, don't you lady? Feels like we're done.

Dogs!  Could you all join me in the living room, we need to talk.  You're fine Peep, you don't have to get up, just try to stay awake.

Peep: I will Mom *yawns*

Dobby: I was really comfortable in the office, is this important?

Me: of course it's important! When have I ever called a meeting that wasn't important?

Dobby: well...

Me: nevermind! Just sit down and pay attention.  Where's Kevin?

Dobby: last time I saw him he was in your closet picking out shoes to chew.

Me: WHAT? Did you remind him that's not an approved activity?! 

Dobby: not my job.

Me: sweet baby jesus help me.  KEVIN!!!!!  GET IN HERE NOW!!

*galloping noises in the hallway*

Kevin: is it time for a walk? Snacks? Did you get me a new toy?

Me: no to all 3.  Drop the shoe, we're having a meeting.

Kevin: will there be snacks?

Me: that depends entirely on how well you pay attention.

Dobby: welp, no snacks tonight then.

Me: let's get to it shall we?  I'm getting progressively more tired and sleep deprived.  And I hate to tell you, but it's your fault.  

Peep: I'm sorry.

Me: honey, it's not you, it's so rarely ever you.  It's the two crack monkeys that we live with.  Now,as I told you last weekend, we set the clocks back an hour.  And as you know, I have a new job with new hours so I don't have to get up at 4am anymore.  Add those 2 things together and it means that in theory, I should be getting waaaay more sleep than I actually am.  Sadly I am not.  Let's discuss circadian rythms, shall we?

Kevin: psst Dobbs, do you know what she's talking about? What's a clock? What's that rhythm thing about? 

Me: circadian rhythms are physical and mental behaviors that occur in a 24 hour period.  This is usually affected by light and darkness.  Why are you all looking at me like that?

Dobby: hey lady, if I can't understand what you're talking about, I think we can agree that Mr. PotatoHead over there won't have a clue.

Me: You're right, what was I thinking?  I'll make it simpler for you. I am not getting enough sleep. As I've expained several times already, we dion't need to get up at 4am anymore.  I thought we were making a little progress, you seemed to be getting the idea that I don't need to get up nearly as early. But daylight savings seems to have erased any progress we might have made.  Let me be clear: the day absolutely does not need to start at 3am.  And if I don't get up when you click your way into my room, that doesn't mean you should start an MMA match complete with body slams and screaming at the side of the bed.  This just shouldn't be happening. Not on work days, and especially not on weekends.  Not all of us have the luxury of napping during the day if we don't get enough sleep at night. Does everyone understand? 

*snoring noises*

Me: KEVIN! Did you seriously fall asleep while I was talking?!?  Un. Be Lievable.

Kevin: I wasn't sleeping!  I closed my eyes so that I could listen harder.

Dobby: dude, you were snoring.

Kevin: stuffy nose?  

Me:  Why do I bother? Why do I even have these meetings?  Oh look, it's 8:30, I can go to bed without feeling bad about it. 8:30 really isn't so early for bed.

Dobby: since you're old it's fine. What are you now? 80ish?

Me: remember those snacks you wanted?  Well guess what.

Kevin: I'll guess! it's cheese isn't it?  I love cheese! Or peanut butter? Oooo maybe pizza?  

Me: I'm done.  Just done.

Dogs!

I think we found a dog park that suits everyone.  It's taken almost 3 months of trying different parks every Sunday to do it, but today I think all of you had a good time.  Of course, this isn't one of parks that's within walking distance from home, that would be too easy, rather the park is about a 15 minute drive.  Not too bad and I guess I should be happy that you really didn't care for the one that's almost 45 minutes from home.

I wasn't sure how it was going to go today since we had the usual getting in the car drama-yes Kevin, you're the one that causes all the car drama.  Once I had you all in the car, Dobby was filled to the brim with enthusiasm as he always is.  Peep was game to go, as she always is, but you, Kevin spent the entire ride sitting on the floor in the back seat looking like you were on your way to being euthanized.  

Once we arrived, all of you were quite keen to get out and start the adventure, but it took almost 10 minutes to get from the car to the actual park.  Every tree had to be inspected carefully, every pile of leaves checked  and snorfelled through for hidden danger, virtually every blade of grass required attention.  It wasn't until a few dogs started barking that all of you actually managed to look up and decide to finally start heading for the gate.  

Every dog park we've ever been to has 2 gates with a tiny holding-type area between them.  Let's review: this little area is NOT the park.  We don't need to spend another 10 minutes going over the entrance with a fine toothed comb; there's a whole big area to explore if we can just get through the f-ing gate.  Apparently, this part is a sacred ritual which must be observed.

We finally made it to the actual park and things started out the way they usually do: Peep, you ambled off to inspect the entire fence line.  This must be done every time, even if we've already been to a park several times and you've checked the security of the enclosre every time.  Once a working dog, always a working dog I guess.  Dobby, you start peeing on all the edges of everything.  You spend the majority of your park time doing this.  Every upright surface, trees, bushes, tall grass, chairs, picnic tables and once, a large dog who was sitting still minding his own business.  That last one was quite embarrasing since the owner was standing right next to his poor dog.  I apologized profusely, but not you.  You showed absolutely no remorse.  I was not surprised. You spend so much time and energy and pee on this activity that I  sometimes  worry that you're going to be dangerously dehydrated by the time we leave. And that brings ups to you, Kevin.  You started out the same way you always do.  Glued to my leg.  Ears flat, tail tucked, apparently looking for the execution room.  

But then, today, something different happened.  Maybe it was the adorable wee Chihuahua that boldly came up to you and Peep to say hello.  Maybe it was the tons of kids that were there and wanted to pet you. Maybe it was the general friendliness and polite play and ball chasing that was going on.  Whatever it was, you detached yourself from my leg and cautiously ventured out and actually started interacting with the other dogs and people.  

At first, I was absolutely thrilled.  But then I realized that since you were going to go out and be a dog in a dog park, I now had 3 dogs with completely different agendas to keep track of.  Call me over protective, I'm not one of those dog park people that sits down and just lets their dog go and do whatever they want. I realize I have trust issues and we can discuss this in our next group therapy session.  I also know all too well that dogs in groups don't always make good choices.  I'm sorry you guys, but your whole species is prone to giving into peer pressure. So I make sure that I'm monitoring behavior at all times.

I don't worry much about Peep, she loves all living things, gets along with everyone and she's big and white and easy to spot. But as we know, I have no recall ability with Dobby.  He becomes as deaf at the park as he does when he's power walking around the neighborhood on one of his unauthorized adventures. And he always seems to be checking for a way out of the parks so that he can go on one of those adventures.  As an added bonus, today's park has huge old oak trees and since it's fall, the whole park is covered with fallen oak leaves which I discovered are exactly the same color as you, Dobbs, that made it really hard to keep track of you. 

That brings us to you Kevin. Since today was your first time truly enjoying the park, and interacting with the other dogs, I felt I needed to keep a particularly close eye on you.  I know it's a sensitive subject, but I just don't know anything about you from the time before you joined us.  You've said you've always been a very good boy, but let's be brutally honest, you've got some behaviors that I find worrisome not the least of which is your tendency to "taste" everything and everyone. If it was just your tongue, that would be fine.  Gross but fine. The problem is your teeth.  Although you've never bitten anyone, I think we can all agree that you're very "mouthy".  I hate to sound prejudiced, but this is very typical Pitbull behavior and it's exactly the kind of thing that gives all of you guys a bad name.  Anyway, that's why I felt the need to keep a close eye on you.  I wanted to be sure to be close by in case anything went sideways either with the other dogs or their people. But in the end, you did great and it was fabulous to see you smiling somewhere other than at home.  I've had concerns about your apparent agoraphobia, but it wasn't evident today and everyone was quite happy on the way home.  Kevin, you actually rode in the back rather than on the floor!  Amazing.

All in all, I'd say it was a success and we'll make this our go-to park for Sundays.  Maybe Saturdays too.  I have to admit, I'm really enjoying the quiet now that you're all exhausted.

That's it for now.  Remember that we'll be resuming our weekly meeting tomorrow.  Lots to discuss, lots to go over. Please have your suggestions and input dropped off before bedtime tonight so that I have time to prepare.

Love you all,

Alpha