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Dec. 6, 2015

Dear Dogs,

As you may remember, the whole family came last night for our annual Christmas decorating party.  Smith and Wesson were supposed to brief all of you on how this event usually goes since they're the only ones who have been present for the festivities over the years, but it must have slipped their mind.  Or maybe they just got too busy to arrange a meeting.  Or maybe they were" just not in the mood" to do the briefing as I asked them to.  I thought I'd best fill you in since The Weiners couldn't be bothered.

Around this time every year, we all gather together to decorate the Christmas tree.  We have a bite or 10 to eat, we pull out the boxes of all the ornaments, and have a wonderful time talking about each one and laughing and remembering Christmases past.  It's a very special holiday tradition, one of my favorites.  Maybe my most favorite.  When we're done with the decorating, we all stand back and gaze at the tree and smile thinking of all the good times we've had and all the great times yet to come.  We practically qualify as a Lifetime holiday movie special.  It's that magical.

I would like you to take a close look at the picture I've enclosed.  This is how the tree looks this year after the annual decorating event.  The first thing that should catch your eye is the lack of lights on the bottom of the tree.  This is the result of the recent fainting episode that the tree suffered.  I can't make the lights work again, thanks for that.  The next thing you'll see is the total lack of decorations.   There was a whole party to decorate the tree and yet, there are no ornaments on it. Weird, right? I'll explain:

All of the ornaments hold a memory and all of those memories are very special to all of us.  Breaking or losing an ornament would be awful, a piece of our past that we can never get back.  Because of that, all of your humans got together and decided we just couldn't risk having anything happen to any of the decorations and that it was best not to put them on the tree this year.  If the tree faints again we run the risk of having some or all of those precious memories destroyed by your cavallier attitude and lack of boundaries when it comes to my stuff.  Yes Steven I'm talking to you.  Coming home and finding the potential wreckage would be heartbreaking enough, but finding bits and pieces of memories pooped out would be almost unbearable.  We all decided we just couldn't risk it.  We briefly considered just getting some cheap disposable things and some garland or tinsel to decorate with this year, but it was agreed that those things are just bowel obstructions waiting to happen if things go sideways.

So my dear canine companions, let us resign ourselves to the fact that this year's tree is going to be naked.  I might risk putting a skirt on it, but I'm not sure any of them are washable.  This is important in case one of you decides you need to post "mine" on the skirt or leave a note for one of your roommates.  

Let's all try not to let this put a damper on our holiday spirits!  We still have each other and I'm sure there are plenty of other opportunites for inappropriate behavior you haven't explored yet, Steve.

xxoo,

your disappointed Alpha

ps: tequila counts as a holiday spirit right? Take a vote and let me know if you think 8am is too early to start trying to get into the holiday spirit.